Tuesday, June 7, 2016
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A Romantic Comedy Anthology
— BLURB —
Romance done right is full of beautiful and awe-inspiring sex, where the only noises are gasps of pleasure, and changes of position happen smoothly and effortlessly. But what happens when it all goes wrong?
This collection of short stories will bring you back to the real world, where you laugh to keep from crying, because sometimes, it's just F*cking Awkward!
— AUTHORS —
Heather C. Leigh
— PURCHASE for only 99CENTS —
All profits from digital sales will be going to The Bookworm Box to distribute to their monthly charity!
Congratulations on purchasing the Awkward Sex Anthology! A bunch of amazing authors in a group called FTN (We could tell you what this means, but then we'd have to kill you) got together to write the most awkward sex scenes you could imagine, all for charity. You might be thinking to yourself, "I can't believe I just bought a book called F*cking Awkward" and I'm here to tell you, it's much better than the titles that were rejected:
F*cking a Box of Captain Crunch
F*cking a T-Rex While Playing the Trumpet
F*cking My Best Friend's Neighbor's Stepsister's Starbucks Manager While Wearing a Toga
F*cking a Toga
I'm just kidding! Nobody wrote a story about f*cking a goat! It was a wombat, actually, and no one pressed charges, so it's fine. The author is fine, the wombat is fine, EVERYONE IS FINE AND I DIDN'T NEED THERAPY SO STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT.
Did you know that six out of every seven people in the entire world have experienced an awkward sexual encounter? It's true. I've done extensive research. And by extensive, I mean I did a poll of all the adults in my house - 2 dogs, 3 cats, and my husband and I. I'm pretty sure my dog Fat Ralph was lying when he told me he'd never experienced anything awkward during sex, but he had his nuts cut off when he was six weeks old and is still quite bitter about the whole thing and threatens me with a dog bone shank whenever we chat about sex, so I think it's 4 best if I stop questioning him about the time I found him in the backyard with a jar of peanut butter, two frogs and the neighbor's cat wearing pasties.
The cat was the one wearing pasties, FYI, not Fat Ralph. That would just be weird.
So, grab some booze, sit back, and enjoy these hilariously awkward sex scenes. Give yourself a pat on the back for purchasing a book for charity and another one for never experiencing something as crazy as what you're about to read. Unless you have. In that case, it's okay to cry and rock back and forth in the corner screaming, "IT WAS ONLY THAT ONE TIME AND I HAD NO IDEA I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO PUT THAT CUCUMBER THERE!" Six out of seven of us totally understand. Except for Fat Ralph. He's totally judging you right now.
XO Tara Sivec